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HomeMental Health"Do I Have Mommy Points?" Ask a Therapist — Talkspace

“Do I Have Mommy Points?” Ask a Therapist — Talkspace

What Are Mommy Points?

Normally, mommy points are the psychological challenges you take care of as an grownup that outcome out of your childhood relationship along with your mom or one other grownup feminine determine in your life. In the event you’re experiencing mommy points in a method or one other, your relationship along with your mom was seemingly missing.

Most individuals agree that the mother-child relationship is among the most necessary dynamics in life. It’s logical that if you happen to had an unhealthy relationship along with your mom, particularly throughout your childhood, it may simply have an effect in your grownup relationships.

It may very well be that your mom was too controlling or that she was loving however failed to supply important emotional help. Possibly she manipulated you in a harsh method or she abused or uncared for you. Mommy points may end up from many alternative maternal behaviors, and also you is perhaps stunned to study that a few of them are seemingly harmless and even look like well-meaning on the floor. Not all mommy points are the results of abuse or neglectful conduct.

Mommy points may end up from each overly permissive and overprotective moms. Some moms are extra centered on being their little one’s finest good friend somewhat than offering strong, structured maternal management. Whereas a proud, doting mom actually appears admirable, generally these are the precise kinds of relationships that may turn into poisonous and trigger long-term detriment.

The psychology behind mommy points

To totally perceive mommy points, it’s necessary to have a look at a number of the behaviors and relationships in childhood that may contribute to — or flat-out trigger — an adolescent to develop mommy points of their future.

“Relationships are the place for unmet expectations to floor and mommy points aren’t any much less intrusive till they’re projected in the direction of a accomplice. We will’t be omniscient about the place our vulnerabilities will land, nevertheless it’s a good suggestion to apply self consciousness somewhat than displacing unfulfilled expectations onto a accomplice.”

Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW.

What causes mommy points?

Lengthy-lasting psychological results can come from any substandard parent-child relationship. Kids could develop both mommy points, daddy points, or a mix of each. 

Each family, little one, mom, and father — each facet of a household dynamic — is totally distinctive. Thus, it could possibly really feel not possible to gauge the exact results of any given scenario or relationship. That stated, there are some accepted requirements and beliefs concerning what may trigger mommy points. 

These may embrace a mom who:

  • Was bodily, emotionally, or sexually abusive
  • Was fully or principally absent
  • Handled a father poorly
  • Was extraordinarily overbearing
  • Was unloving or non-nurturing

Do not forget that these are simply a number of the potential causes of mommy points. All mom and little one relationships are complicated, and with so many points to the connection, it may be tough to ever totally perceive the true trigger for somebody’s mommy points.



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