Discovering Your Life Goal
What’s up everybody and welcome – to this – the 40th episode of the Males’s Self-Assist Podcast. I’m your host Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois. For Ha Ha’s, I additionally train school programs in psychology and in enterprise.
Now earlier than we get too far in, I ask that you simply please hit that subscribe button, so that you by no means miss one other episode. Additionally, take into accout the fabric that follows is academic in nature and isn’t a alternative for psychological well being counseling and I’m not your private therapist.
Alrighty – let’s hop proper to our matter in the present day:
How To Discover Your Life’s Goal
, within the practically 20-years I’ve been doing counseling and training, this explicit difficulty is one which ranks proper up there for the highest causes males hunt down steerage. In actual fact, I touched on this a bit in episode episode 37 – if you wish to test it out.
And often, that is how the subject comes up when a person reaches out:
Hey Dr. John, are you able to assist me determine the place I ought to be heading in life?
Hey Dr. John, how do I determine my life’s objective?
Haha, I’ll inform ya, as I dive into all of this with you, I’m reminded of a shopper of mine from a couple of years again named Travis. He a younger man, perhaps in his late twenties, who had simply completed a six-year enlistment within the U.S. Navy.
As I share this with you, I can nonetheless see Travis in my thoughts’s eye sitting on my sofa throughout that first session. He stated one thing to me like: “I’m undecided what I ought to be doing subsequent in my life. I’ve earned this diploma in Normal Research as a result of I wasn’t certain what else to do.
After which he stated:
“You see that’s the story of my life. I’m tremendous indecisive.”
As a part of our work collectively, I might come to study that Travis got here from a working-class household on Chicago’s South Facet – out by Halfway Airport and never removed from the place the White Sox play. Raised Catholic, his dad was a policeman and his mother labored as a meals server at one of many metropolis’s excessive faculties.
Now I’m telling you all of this as a result of I may relate to Travis and knew full effectively what it was like to return from this type of inventory. To make a protracted story brief, there may be an expectation for males from these elements to get a great paying job to lift a household.
And to maintain it actual – for a lot of of those males – the concept is to seek out regular, steady work and never essentially significant or fulfilling work.
Does that make sense?
Now let me be clear and state this isn’t true for all males and positively not true for all guys developing on Chicago’s South Facet. That stated, even in our fashionable age, there may be nonetheless an unstated expectation that flows as a sort of masculine undercurrent.
And since I understood this about Travis’s background, I additionally knew he felt a bit misplaced and underneath stress to determine issues out. And you understand what – that’s precisely what we did. We, or I ought to say he, figured it out.
What follows are 5 fives methods to seek out your life objective you may need to take into account. To a lesser or larger diploma, that is the strategy I took with Travis.
As this pod continues, I’ll be returning again to him as a degree of reference.
Are you prepared? OK, let’s get proper to it.
Step One: Know Your Story
So, proper off the bat, any try at looking for your life objective should embody figuring out your story. And once I say know your story, I don’t imply issues like the way you got here to be, the place you had been born or your loved ones’s DNA.
Nope – as a substitute, once I say know your story, I’m speaking about inspecting your previous and figuring out your struggles. One method to go about that is to seize a pen and paper and easily take a look at the occasions in your life that had been most difficult.
However your aim right here is to transcend taking a look at your struggles, taking a look at your difficulties. As a substitute, the concept is to focus the distinctive traits and abilities you employed that helped to drag you thru.
And what you’re actually doing right here is focusing in on any patterns. You see it’s in these patterns that the contours of your life’s objective will start to emerge.
To maintain it actual with you – that is precisely what I requested Travis do as a part of his personal quest. I had him seize a bit of paper and draw three columns.
He labeled column one Battle, column two Talent and column three Patterns.
Over the course of time, Travis found that he was in a position to pull upon his personal resilience to work by means of laborious occasions, similar to his grandparents had once they emigrated
And he bought that sense of resilience from his grandparents, pulling upon their very own private narrative of optimism and laborious work after immigrating from Eire. You see it was of their private tales, and Travis’s curiosity in them, that gave him a chip for overcoming obstacles.
Does that make sense?
Now I have to say now that this explicit technique isn’t one which it is best to rush. Consider this train as a sort of journaling exercise that can take a number of days and perhaps even weeks to finish. And that’s as a result of a few of your experiences, significantly the tough ones, could also be buried deep inside your psyche.
OK, in order that’s the first step.
Step Two: Establish your obsessions
Okay, this one could appear simple, nevertheless it could be tougher than you suppose. Figuring out your passions means spending time wanting on the belongings you naturally gravitate to.
Right here’s an instance. Each time Travis got here to my workplace for remedy, he had some sort of e-book with him. And 9 occasions out of ten, it had one thing to do with historical past, like a biography of Teddy Roosevelt or one thing in regards to the Daley Household.
Haha – you understand, as I share this with you now, I’m reminded of 1 session we had the place Travis noticed a replica of the Chicago Solar Occasions sitting on my desk. He checked out me and stated one thing like, “Hey Dr. John – do you know that newspaper you’ve been studying was based by Marshall Fields the Third, son of Marshall Fields – you understand, as within the Division Retailer?
And to maintain it actual with you, I actually didn’t know this. However what I rapidly turned conscious of was that Travis was obsessive about historical past. Like huge time. The issue was, he didn’t realize it. As a substitute, Travis thought his pursuits had been extra like a random passion. One thing that was simply sort of there to move the time.
And in order our classes continued, I noticed that each time one thing historic got here up, no matter it could be, the man’s eyes would really like up like a Christmas tree and he would develop into tremendous animated.
At some point I pointed this out to Travis and requested him, Did you ever discover that when the subject of historical past comes up, you get actually excited? Have you ever ever considered utilizing a few of that within the service of others?
Whereas I don’t recall precisely what he stated, it was one thing alongside the strains of, “Yeah proper dude. You may’t make a residing off of figuring out random info.”
However I already knew the query itself had piqued his creativeness.
And this allow us to to our subsequent technique. Which is:
Step Three: Use a software
A part of understanding our objective in life is to know one thing about our persona and presents. And may I be actual with you? Self-insight and meditation will solely get you up to now. Don’t get me mistaken – they’re mandatory – however generally a software is required for an goal evaluation.
For this reason I encourage folks to take a persona evaluation. Right here, I’m speaking about one thing patterned after the Myers-Briggs Sort Stock. To not get into the weeds, however this software was developed by Isabel Myers and her mom Katherine Briggs and relies on their work with the well-known Swiss Psychiatrist, Carl Jung and his concept or persona sorts.
And guys, you may take this evaluation without spending a dime on-line. It gained’t value you a dime. Simply head on over to 16 personalities dot com and undergo the questions. I’ll put a hyperlink to this useful resource in present notes simply so you’ve it.
However be forewarned, many who take the evaluation discover their outcomes to be freakishly correct.
Now earlier than transferring ahead, I’ve bought to say that persona assessments are conclusive in nature. In different phrases, they aren’t designed to color you right into a nook or label you. As a substitute, consider them as a sort of flashlight – a manner of shedding extra mild on the deeper you.
In Travis’s case, his persona evaluation turned out to be a typology referred to as: ESTJ. The E is for Extroverted. The S is for Sensing. The T is for Considering and the J is for Judging.
Now I’m not going to get into the weeds with you on what this typology means as a result of if you take your evaluation, you’ll get an in depth breakdown that explains what the whole lot.
For our functions, what’s vital to know is that Travis’s persona sort occurred to be a extremely sturdy match for people all in favour of schooling, like lecturers and college directors.
By leaning into this type of software, it helped Travis to get to know himself higher, together with his strengths and problem areas. What’s extra, the evaluation sparked his creativeness about prospects for the long run.
And in only a second, we’re going to speak in regards to the closing two methods that had been useful to Travis – and should assist you too.
Go to this web page to study extra in regards to the greatest males’s skincare routine for males made tremendous simple!
OK, so let’s get again to discovering your objective and transfer to the subsequent technique – and that might be:
Step 4: Begin transferring
OK, as soon as we’ve reached this stage, it’s time to show the summary into motion. So, what does this imply? Effectively, within the case of Travis, it meant taking a brilliant small step. And he did this by making use of for a part-time job as a strolling tour information that confirmed gave guests background on town’s downtown structure.
Now right here’s the factor. This wasn’t Travis’s principal job. I’ll have this mistaken, however I believe his main supply of revenue again then was working at a tech agency within the Chicago’s Loop.
However the motive he took the weekend job giving excursions was to see what it might be wish to lean into his passions and use them within the service of others – which on this case was to assist people study one thing new about Chicago’s historical past.
Does that make sense?
And as time went on, Travis actually LOVED doing this type of work. It didn’t matter to him that the pay was crap, you understand? In actual fact, for him, that weekend gig was one thing he seemed ahead to far more than his common job – and that’s as a result of what he was doing didn’t even really feel like work.
As I share this with you, ask your self the way you may take a small step in direction of your ardour – in direction of your objective. For instance, do you want animals? Are you into vehicles? What could be one small, tiny factor you are able to do that strikes you nearer to that factor that lights your fireplace – that holds your pursuits?
Alright, let’s get to that closing step.
Step 5: Give Your self Time
This closing technique is one which I can’t stress sufficient. Should you pressure your self to seek out your objective, you’re solely going to frustrate your self.
Give your self permission to have interaction in new experiences and check out new issues. This may increasingly assist you to uncover folks, subjects and points that emotionally resonate with you. However when you attempt to pressure your self to be keen about one thing – to discover a objective, you’re putting stress on your self that’s solely going to convey you down.
I’m going to share one thing with you that some folks in serving to professions may discover blasphemous. Are you prepared?
It’s OK to not know your life objective proper now. It’s OK to not be on a every day quest to determine what the hell you’re imagined to be doing in life.
And I’m sharing this with you as a result of within the Karmic sense, the universe goes to unfold in the way in which it was meant to be.
Now that doesn’t imply you shouldn’t put that intention on the market. One factor I inspired Travis to do as a part of our time collectively was to meditate every morning over a 90-day interval and say the next affirmation:
I invite the universe to point out me my objective. I invite the universe to point out me my objective. I invite the universe to point out me my objective.
And sure, I had him do that 3 times. The explanation I had him do that was as a result of I wished to assist Travis prepare part of his mind referred to as the Reticular Activating System – which is situated within the brainstem – and it’s part of the mind that’s answerable for focus.
By meditating with this affirmation over a multi-week interval, Travis conditioned his aware and unconscious thoughts to see issues associated to his objective that he may now have seen in any other case.
On a associated observe, I’d wish to suggest a useful resource to you to contemplate as a part of this step. It’s referred to as The Each day Gratitude Journal for Males: 90 Days of Mindfulness and Reflection by Dean Bokhari. Go to Amazon to study extra. Consider it as a software to assist get up your reticular activating system and focus your consciousness. I’ve put a hyperlink to this e-book in Present Notes.
So, chances are you’ll be questioning what Travis is as much as in the present day? Effectively, I’m nonetheless in contact with him every so often and I can inform you he’s in a a lot totally different place. You see after our work collectively all of these years in the past, he would go on to earn some further credentials, like a grasp’s diploma in schooling. In the present day, he’s instructing historical past programs for one in all Chicago’s metropolis schools.
And right here’s the factor – he loves it. No, it doesn’t pay him what a company job may. However actually, he doesn’t care. He’s blissful doing what he’s doing as a result of when he wakes up on the morning, he feels on a deep and intuitive stage that the work he’s doing brings his life which means.
So, earlier than we finish in the present day’s present, let’s recap the 5 methods we simply went over:
Step One: Know Your Story
Step Two: Establish Your Obsessions
Step Three: Use a Instrument
Step 4: Begin Shifting
Step 5: Give Your self Time
OK, that’s what I’ve bought for you in the present day. As we shut out this podcast, I’m going to ask you a favor. Should you love this podcast or any of the previous pods that I’ve performed, please take a couple of moments proper now to depart a evaluate wherever chances are you’ll be listening, however significantly on Apple Podcasts.
By doing this, you’re serving to this program to develop organically and present up increased within the listings in order that different males similar to you will discover the podcast.
I’m going to depart you now with the next request: Make it your aim in the present day to place a smile on another person’s face.
Thanks for listening to the Males’s Self-Assist Podcast and I hope you’ve an incredible day!